Friday, May 04, 2018

An open letter to the GP who missed my condition

Since my diagnosis I have always felt resentment towards the GP who missed my condition when I was three years old. After watching the Buzzfeed series about chronic pain I decided that I wanted to write an open letter to the woman who changed my life forever. 




To the doctor who changed my life, 

you probably don't remember me. When my mum brought me to the Gp's surgery at the age of three you simply dismissed the way I walked and referred me for shoe inserts. You simply presumed that my legs were different lengths, you didn't think about why they were different lengths. That tiny decision you made to not send me for an X-ray completely changed my life. Because of you my condition went unnoticed for a further five years until my parents demanded I be sent for an X-ray. 

My hip dysplasia was discovered then, my femur was completely mangled after walking for over six years on a hip that continuously dislocated. Because you didn't ask that question, I went on to have more operations than should have been needed. This left me with permanent nerve damaged and has forced me into even more surgeries I technically shouldn't have need. This nerve damage has left me with chronic pain, I have little to no feeling in the top of my right leg and that will probably never change. This pain keeps me up at night, forces me to take silly amounts of painkillers and stops me doing things I should be able to do as a normal nineteen year old. 

Because of the pain I have been forced to grow up faster than any child should ever have to grow up. I understand I was dealt these cards and I believe we only get what we can handle however all you had to do was send me for one x-ray, one x-ray that could have completely changed the way my life panned out. 

However, I no longer resent you. I know you probably aren't even aware of my existence or the way you changed my life forever. The energy I have put into hating you over the past ten years hasn't helped the pain in anyway and has only damaged my mental health. So I wanted to write this and to tell you I forgive you even though you will probably never read this. I know I have said my piece and I hope that will bring me some comfort. 

13 comments:

  1. A very brave and well written letter Nicole. You never cease to amaze me with your strength and determination. Jo Carr X

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  2. oh lovely I'm sorry this has happened to you. You are so right, such a simple xray could have changed so much - and its not fair that it went so long unnoticed :(

    Erin || MakeErinOver

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  3. I'm so sorry to heard how you suffered due to her negligence. :(

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  4. You are very brave to have written this. I am sure that most of us cannot even imagine what it is like to have to go through this for such a long time!

    Danielle xx
    https://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

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  5. It’s terrible that they missed that and didn’t look into it more. You are such a brave girl x

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  6. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this and had to suffer when this could have been prevented! I’m really glad you’ve managed to some how forgive the Doctor and begin to move on from that pain. You’re very brave in sharing this! x

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  7. It’s so awful that they didn’t look into it at the time! x

    www.ofbeautyandnothingness.co.uk

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  8. Such an awful thing to go through, I’m glad you have a diagnosis now x

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  9. Wow your story makes me so mad! I wish doctors would just take a few minutes to show care and compassion and do what is necessary!

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  10. I’m sorry this happened, thank you for sharing such an open and honest post

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  11. I am so sorry to hear this, must have been hard to write this but it will raise awareness which is always positive xx

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  12. So sorry to hear this lovely and it's really brave of you to write about it so honestly <3
    Chantelle x

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  13. I’m so sorry you have had to go through this. Such an ooen and honest post it has really touched me and i feel quite upset reading it. I am happy you have found peace in forgiveness x

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